Thunderclan's Epic Night
by ElfenTears
Summary: It all started with Cloudtails "Meep"'s. PLEASE R&R! Also check out my other stories. I DO NOT OWN WARRIORS, I am simply making a parody of it. Rated T for minor adult themes and very little language.
1. Arsenic Cookies

I D**O NOT OWN WARRIORS! I DO LOVE THEM THOUGH! THIS IS JUST A PARODY FROM MY SMALL BRAIN!**

"Meep. Meep. Meep." Cloudtail mewed annoyingly in the den as he moved a Japanese beetle across the ground with his claw. It was in the middle of the night, and all of the cats were exhausted. Everyone, of course, except for Cloudtail.

"Cloudtail." Graystripe moaned, rolling over. "STFU."

"Meep." Cloudtail replied in a shrill voice.

Suddenly, a loud wail rose through out the clan, coming from the nursery, causing everyone to jump up. Of course Purdy was the first to freak out.

"OH MY STARCLAN OH MY STARCLAN ROOTIN' TOOTIN' WHAT IN THE BELIEBER FEVER JEEBERS WAS THAT DARN NABBIT SCARIEST MOTHERIN' THING I EVER HEARD IN MAH LIFE!" Purdy screamed, looking around for the source.

Dustpelt ran through the camp, yelling, "It's okay everyone! It's okay! It's just Ferncloud, she's on her tenth litter of kits today. This'll be her gazillionth litter in counting!" He purred proudly. All the cats sighed, grumbling about all the diseases Ferncloud probably carried.

Jayfeather padded back into his den, hushing his stick that was crying in his mind. He settled down next to it, hushing It.

"It's okay, babe. Jay's right here. It was just a cat in labor. Now we can get back to what we were just doing!" Jayfeather purred, crazily talking to his "mate" like he was the creepy business guy from Love Object. He pulled the moss blanket over them, moaning loudly. Briarlight's ears flattened, scared out of her mind. And there was no where to run. Guess she would just have to listen to Jayfeathrer and his stick for at least three hours.

"Meep." Cloudtail mewed again. All the cats in the warriors den flung up, glaring at Cloudtail. They suddenly all had pitchforks and tridents in their paws.

"SHUT UP CLOUDTAIL!" They all screamed in unison.

"Meep." Cloudtail mewed in a clipped tone, looking like an angry child. He pouted in the corner of the den. His mate, Brightheart, padded over to him, resting her tail on his shoulder.

"Cloudtail, we're sorry, we're just very tired. You'll have to play with your ants and SeaMonkies tomorrow. Look, I got you your favorite treat, milk and cookies with arsenic in them!" She purred, pushing a plate towards his face.

" No." Cloudtail mewed in the same clipped tone, still pouting like a little fat kid who didn't get the treat he had asked for.

Brightheart sighed and padded away, leaving the milk and cookies for Spiderleg, who had a secret craving for them.

The clan finally settled down in silence, but shortly was disturbed.

"Omnomnomnom."" Someone mumbled, followed by a huge crunching noise. Spiderleg was eating his cookies.

"OKAY, who gave Spiderleg cookies in the middle of the night?" Graystripe hissed, "This is gettin' out of hand y'all!"

"I did." Brightheart stepped forward, a shamed look on her face. Graystripe looked at her, contemplating her punishment.

"DIE!" He screeched, pushing a red button that was under his nest. A huge hole appeared underneath her, and she dropped down with a long scream, getting distant and more distant until there was a loud farting noise. And then all was quiet. Graystripe giggled.

"I've always wanted to do that." He said like a giddy schoolgirl, stroking the button. The warrior's den sighed.

"WOOT WOOT! WOOT WOOT!" The sound came form the nursery. Dustpelt hurried and poked his head in, eager to see if Ferncloud was on her one gazillion and oneth litter. She was. The litter that she had two seconds before was partying, and already multiplying eagerly, just like their parents. Their family was like friggen Gremlins.

Speaking of Gremlins, Spiderleg was changing in the Warriors den. He was foaming at the mouth and rolling around, the Clan huddled around him.

"Woahhhhh dude. Should we like.. Call the Medicine cat or something?" Berrynose asked.

"Nah," Graystripe mewed, "He'll be fine!" Millie instantly fainted, fawning over her mate, purring.

"Isn't he just so smart and intelligent? My little Grayie wayie payie pookie!" She cooed, putting a bib on him. She started to feed him goopy baby food, when a loud scream went through the clan. Sorreltail was halfway down Spiderleg's throat, but he wasn't really Spiderleg anymore… he was a mix of Lindsay Lohan and a Gremlin!

The clan was in a crisis! Everyone started to panic, running around and whacking every two seconds into trees. Spiderleg stomped out of the den, looking like a Gremlin with a blonde wig on and huge fake boobs. He had a wrap dress on, and it was obvious that she didn't have any underwear on. The whole clan puked at the same time.

"FEE, FIE, FOO, FUM. I SMELL KITTIES! And a hint of liquor!" He roared, stomping around.

"That's the mouse bile, you sped!" Thornclaw screamed as he tried climbing up a tree.

Suddenly, Dustpelt, being the perv that he was, knew everything. He had seen some of the magazines that were laying around in the insides of redneck's trailers.

"Hey, Lindsay!" He screeched, "Show us something!"

Spiderleg instantly stopped, dropping into a low and inappropriate pose.

"Someone, quick, get the friggen' pitchforks! While she's still posing!" Dustpelt hissed.

Suddenly, Molekit ran out of the nursery with a pitchfork in his paws. He jabbed it deep into Linday?Gremlin's head, killing it.

"Yah!" The kit squealed, jumping up and down."

"MOLEKIT! MOLEKIT! MOLEKIT! MOLEKIT! MOLEKIT!" The whole clan screamed, pulling him up into the air. "You saved us all!"

"That's my boy! That's my kit! Little stud!" Berrynose purred, but was quickly trampled by the huge crowd.

**THE END!**

(**At least, of this chapter. R+R PLEASE! And Give me a plot of the next chapter!)**


	2. Dare Or Dare Day

Thunderclan was still up to no good. It was the day after losing Spiderleg, Sorreltail, Brightheart, and Berrynose in a tragic Lindsay Lohan/Gremlin transformation, but the whole dysfunctional clan had forgotten it already. Sandstorm had a great idea. She rubbed her paws together dumbly like she had something great in store.

"I like have like the like most like AH- MAHAZING like idea like ever!" She mewed, flipping her blonde wig that she grabbed off the Gremlin last night.

"What?" The whole clan asked, all asking in annoying unison, sounding like an army.

"We like should like all like play like Dare like or like Dare!" She giggled, jumping up and down. The anonymous cat that no one paid attention to that was in Thunderclan, agreed.

"Yeah!"

"Okay like who like wants like to like go like first? Everyone like vote!" Sandstorm asked.

Everyone immediately looked at Purdy.

"AW, SHUCKS DARN NABBIT WHACK-A-MOLEY HOLEY TRUMAN CAPOTEY OTIE!" Purdy screamed, flailing out his fat limbs. Everyone was now used to his random outbursts.

"TACKY WHACKY FACK MY YACKY GO GO GO POKEMON! SLAP SLAP SLAP WHAP FAP FAP FAP COMPUTER SHUTTING DO- Okay, guys, you can give me a dare now." He purred, stopping suddenly. The clan was silent.

"I DARE YOU." Firestar giggled, "To sing, "My Milkshake" Or whatever that song is called, complete with actions." The clan ooed and awed. Purdy mumble jumbled, tears coming to his eyes.

"Firestar, you know I'm sensitive doing that dance. My momma-" Purdy started.

"DO IT!" Firestar screamed. Purdy started to cry, then shook his butt and his chest like he had huge curves. He put his paws on either side of his chest, making it look like he had bazongas, and rubbed them together while grinding the air.

'MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYZ TO THE YARD, AND THEY'RE LIKE, IT'S BETTER THAN YOURS. DAMN RIGHT, IT'S BETTER THAN YOURS I CAN TEACH YOU, BUT I'D HAVE TO CHARGEEE!" Purdy screamed, crying. He stopped and collapsed down while the clan burst into laughter."Okay Okay Okay, I'm next Y'all!" Graystripe stepped forward in his fake country accent. The clan huffed, clearly annoyed.

"I dare you," Cloudtail mewed, "To go kill yourself! Making so much drama in the first Arc by having an outer clan relationship, and not being able to even care for your kits, and then knocking up a fat kitty pet. Just no, no." He shook his head, and the clan murmured in agreement.

"Okay y'all!" Graystripe mewed dumbly, and looked up at the sky, which was currently, thundering and lightning. He dove into Jayfeather's den and took out a…. something long and hard and metal… and held it up in the air, dancing around. He was instantly struck by lightning and blew up.

"Yayyyyyy!" The clan cried.

Suddenly, all the fans of Warriors appeared in camp and dragged out Ferncloud, who had kits flying out of her like a pinball machine. Some kits whacked the fans in the face as they popped out, and they screamed.

"FERNCLOUD!" The cats all chanted. She looked around, bewildered, as her kits shot deep into the ground from her just sitting there.

"Can't you see that I'm in labor?" She hissed.

"Aren't you always, you slutty slutty slut?" Blossomfall hissed, "I dare you, to never have kits again.

"?" Ferncloud let out the loudest shriek ever, filled with more pain than Bone's death, "! I MUST HAVE MORE KITS! I MUST, I MUST! I MUST!" Ferncloud screamed, rolling around on the ground. The clan watched in silence as the she-cat screamed, kits popping out of her with lightning speed. In an instant, she spontaneously combusted, bursting into flames, bolts and nuts flying everywhere.

"I'd alvays suspected she vas a rovat." Cinderheart hissed. "Havink zat many kitz."

"Maybe she was a FemBot!" Dustpelt shrieked, "Ya know, like from Austin Powers?"

Cricket, cricket.

"Nevermind," He mumbled.

Everryyybaddyyyy haaa-atttesssss Dustpelltttttt.

"Batter like up!" Sandstorm screeched. "Any like more like volunteers?" The clan pushed Firestar through to the front. He was the leader who made so many stupid choices, and had dragged them through many problems, mostly letting random hobos stay in their clans.

"I dare you!" Tigerstar growled in a demonic voice, popping up from Hell, "To put this on. Don't ask where I got it." Tigerstar handed Firestar a hot pink leotard and tutu while blushing, "And dance with it for the rest of your life! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! AHOO HAAA HAHAH HOOHOOHOHOHOHOHO!" Tigerstar laughed Evilly before making a choking noise, instantly quieting him, "Opps *Hack* Hairball." He disappeared back to hell.

Firestar was already eagerly into the outfit. He giggled like a girl and started to dance like a pro ballerina, prancing and sometimes jumping on the cat's heads. The clan was blown away. The random ghetto cat in the corner put on a "Klassikal Musik" mix tape in his boom box and blared it as he danced around.

Suddenly, Firestar fell off of the toehead Purdy's head which was screaming again, and slipped, falling in slow motion, complete with the slow motion scream.

"NOOOOOOOO?" He moaned as he slowly fell, finally landing in an unnatural pose. It almost resembled the one the Spiderleg had done when he was Lindsay Lohan. There was a huge ripping noise that ran through the clan, that was even louder than the lightning. It was followed by a loud girly shriek by Firestar.

"MY !" He screamed, pawing at them. Suppossedly, he landed so hard that it had ripped his sack right in half!

The cats screamed all around him in fright, but suddenly a huge ambulance fell down from the sky, landing harshly on Dustpelt, Sandstorm, and Rosepetal like a safe in one of those cartoons. There was a huge splat noise. A long calico leg clumsily stepped out, followed by a skinny body that belonged to the infamous Spottedleaf. The ambulance was from Starclan!

"OOOOOO…. AHHHHHHH!" The clan called, looking at them, as Spottedleaf hoisted Firestar and his ripped balls into the ambulance.

"SO LONG, SUCKASSSS!" Yellowfang catcalled from within the ambulance, as the reindeers pulling it catapulted back into the sky. The cats watched until they looked back down at the three squished cats below them.

"Aww… now we can't play dare or dare!" Cloudtail whined.

"Uhmm… who's gonna be our new leader?" Brackenfur asked stupidly.

"MMMEEEEE!" Molekit danced forward. The clan cheered proudly. Icecloud the new whore that had instantly replaced Ferncloud's spot placed a crown on his head and shook her boobies in his face, giggling. The clan hoisted him into the air, and once again, Molekit was crowd surfing!

**I was pretty clueless on what to do in this chapter, but I tried to make the request as funny and stay-to-requestique as possible! Hope you liked it, and Chapter 3 will soon be here as soon as I get another request!**


	3. The Nine Lives Of Molekit King

Molekit sat in the clearing in a golden lawn chair, his face covered with wraparound aviators and was puffing on a huge cigar, while Icecloud and Ivypool fanned him gently with palm fronds. Since Molekit was the new leader, there had been some changes around the clan. The dirt place had been changed to the whole camp, and the whole clan was given dance lessons every afternoon by the random ghetto cat in the clan to entertain Molekit later in the day.

"Molekit, here's your bottle! Just as you asked, at 85 degrees exactly!" A Hooters worker strutted towards Molekit, giving him a bottle of milk. Molekit had ordered twenty Hooters she-cats with gold bricks that he could now poop out. Their bazongas whacked him in his face as he grabbed the bottle, tasted it and threw it at her face, with a scowl.

"It's 83 dagrees, ya stupid whelp!" He hissed. Over the last week he had reigned, he had decided to pick up a Sopranos accent. He thought he sounded more in charge that way.

"Molekit! I-I'm so sorry!" She gasped, panting wildly, afraid of what was coming next. Suddenly, she was so scared that her huge boobies seemed to lift her into the air, carrying her up into the air.

"M-Molekit! Ya Hooters cat's boobs seemed ta have carried her off! Would ya like me ta get her?" Icecloud asked, flipping the palm frond wildly in the air.

"Forgetta bout it!" Molekit growled with a smirk, reciting a popular line from the show. Ivypool giggled and laid down across his lap.

"I love your accent… It's so.. Powerful." She purred.

"Ca' mere, suga lumps." Molekit mewed, grabbing her and making out with Ivypool. Icecloud scowled in jealously, flipping her boobs around in anger.

Jayfeather stumbled out of his den, whacking into cats and hissing as he tried to find Molekit with his forepaws outstretched.

"Uhm- excuse me! Blind cat comin' through! Beep beeep beep! Can't you remember I'm blind? I Can't see!" He hissed as cats ran into him. He stepped in many piles of dirt until he finally tripped, landing right between Ice cloud's "fat twins". She gasped and giggled.

"Jayfeatha! Didn't know ya were inta that kinda stuff!" She giggled. Jayfeather gasped and flailed around getting suffocated. Molekit pulled away from Ivypool, looking expectantly at Jayfeather. Jayfeather mumbled something to Molekit, still trapped.

"MMm Mmm .. Mmm mmppp!" Jayfather yelled.

"Wha? I carn't hear ya!" Molekit screamed. Flinging Ivypool off his lap. The lip stick wearing bimbo flew into one of the palm tree that Molekit had planted, making it fall over.

"Ca mon Jayfeatha! Get ya head outta da boobas and talk at me! Yu talkin at me?" Molekit hissed. Jayfeather put both of his paw on either side of Icecloud's twins and ripped his head out, gasping for air. He smiled.

"If only I could see that." He murmured, then faced Molekit.

"Since you're leader, Molekit, you know that you have to get your nine lives, right?" He asked.

"Oh ya! I forgot bout that!" Molekit laughed, getting up. "Imma go now!" He smiled at the new Thunderclan, who were all running around, smacking each other with swimming noodles.

"But Molekit! I-I'm expecting your kits! You can't leave!" Ivypool screamed, running up to him.

Molekit opened his mouth and a huge laser shot out, flinging Ivypool back into the palm tree. "Forgetta bout it!" He hissed again. Lately, almost everyone had been preggers by him. All of the she-cats, and even Purdy for some strange reason.

"Youz. And Youz. And Youz. Come wit me." Molekit mewed, pointing at "Jayfeatha", Icecloud, who jumped up happily up and down, her bazongas flying rapidly, and Cinderheart, who muttered German under her breath.

"Let's goooooo!" Molekit yowled, skipping down the red carpet with the three cats as their pictures were taken and roses thrown at Molekit. One rose landed on Molekit, a thorn hitting him in his eye. The lavish music by the ghetto cat stopped abruptly, and Molekit roared.

"Awww &%$^*&#^*&%^*#&^*&%^$&*^%!" Molekit screamed, "Ahh… ahh… ow.. Oww." He moaned, lying on the ground.

"Will my boobies help you?" Icecloud asked as they fell on him, practically suffocating him.

"I am SOO sorry Molekit!" Daisy yowled, rushing up to him. "I shouldn't have thrown the rose at your face! SOOO sorry!" She pushed Icecloud's boobs off of him and licked his eyes repeated.

"FORGETTA BOUT IT!" Molekit roared again, pushing her off. He turned to the three. "Let's go!"

But before they could go, a lion raced into camp, complete with a clown suit.

"What the-?" Molekit asked, as the clan cats looked at the lion in awe.

"RAWRRR!" The lion roared.

"You talkin' at me? YOU TALKIN' TA ME?" Molekit flew into one of his Sopranoesque rages and bounded towards the lion. He screamed and make a dragon ball or whatever it is those Chinese people fight with on DragonBallZ, and flung it at the lion. It let out a high note and died. Molekit padded over to it and took out a beer bottle, and starting to carve the lion's pelt off of it's body. When he was done, he wore it as a cape.

"I IS RULE!" He screeched, flinging the lion onto the fresh- kill pile. "Now, we go!" And so the four cats began their journey.

Instantly, Jayfeather began to groan in pain.

"Owww.."

"Jayfeatha, stop it."

"Oww.."

"Jayfeatha! Stop it!"

"DO you guys have any ChapStick?" Jayfeather asked, looking around blindly.

"What's ChapStick? Is it for ya boobez?" Icecloud asked dumbly.

"NO!" Molekit roared.

"But my lips hurt real bad." Jayfeather groaned. They went on in silence, until Cinderheart started to talk.

"Are ve der yet?" She asked.

"No, Cinderheart." Molekit replied. And two seconds passed.

"Are ve der yet?" She asked again.

"NO, Cinderheart." Molekit mewed through gritted teeth. A minute passed.

"ARE VE DAR YET?" She screamed.

"NO!"

"Look!" Icecloud pointed to a pikachu who had waddled over to them.

"Pika pika." The Pikachu growled to them in a demonic voice.

"AHHHHHHH! AHH!" Molekit screamed, terrified of it. "I am traumatized of this! Purdy dresses up as this sometimes and tells me to lick kitty pet food of off his butt-!" Molekit stopped. "Forgetta bout it! Someone just kill it!"

The cats faced pikachu awkwardly, and then Cinderheart grabbed it and bit it's head off.

"Tastes vike electricity" Cinderheart commented. "Vary good." They went on.

Finally, the four cats had made it to the moonpool! Molekit raced in with the four, hearing a weird song, which turned out to be some Lionel Richie song, echoing in the cave.

Molekit laid down next to the water, Icecloud's boobez providing him with a pillow. "Jayfeatha, how ya do dis?" He asked frustrated. In an instant, Jayfeather hit him over the head with a large rock, knocking him out.

"Mmmmhmmmm?" Molekit asked, lifting his head. What was around him shocked him. It was Candyland. Cats danced all around him in weird outfits, and he recognized some of them.

"Welcome, Molekit! You shall now get your nine lives!" Firestar called while he danced around in a rainbow colored bikini. He had obviously gotten implants. And big ones. They were almost as big as Icecloud's.

Yellowfang padded up to him, anger flashing in her eyes, "I give you the power to kill others with berries!" She hissed, and spit death berries into his face. Molekit huffed and waited for the others. Next, Ferncloud appeared.

"I give you the ah-mazing power of having a million trillion kits! Like me!" And with that, she shot a kit straight from he oven, crashing it right into his face like a bullet. The kit sat on his head, while Brightheart padded over to him.

"I give you the power to not get the other half off your face to rip off!" She purred, and punched him in the face. She was soon replaced by Spiderleg.

"I give you the power to be a selfish idiot! Though I already see you have it!" Spiderleg hissed, and smacked him roughly, and turned around. He padded away, and Molekit could see tha the still had Lindsay's curves. The next cat up was Bluestar.

"I give you the power to trust everyone bad and lead your clan to doom!" She yowled, and burped loudly in his face before padding off. Cinderpelt bounded up to him.

"I give you the power to be crippled soon!" And with that she drop kicked him in the face with her dead foot, and walked off. Rosepetal walked up to him.

"I give you the power to obsess over toms! Meaning that later, you'll be gay!" She purred and skipped off. Whitestorm padded over to him, and small sign that said "Help Me" on it.

"I give you the power to be the slightest bit of normal with your clan." He mewed quietly and padded away. The final cat was Firestar, and he did a dance over to him.

"And lastly, I give you the power to be the worst leader ever and allow weirdos to come into your clan and not change their kitty pet names!" He purred and with a grunt, farted extremely loudly in Molekit's face. Molekit gasped, smelling rotten eggs, and Firestar spoke softly. The cats started to chant, reciting a prophecy.

"The banana will slowly be peeled, Snooki's baby will take over the world, and your clan will explode one day!" They screamed.

"What? What to ya mean? I got at first two parts, but whatta bout da third?" He asked, looking around wildly. But the cats were already disappearing. For the last time, Molekit again smelled rotten eggs before waking up with a girly scream. Jayfeather was playing around with Icecloud and Cinderheart was murmuring something angrily in German again.

"I'm done!" Molekit screeched.

"Wait!" Jayfeather halted them, "I see a message in the water!" The cats stopped and huddled over towards him. "Even though I'm blind, I see something! It says, "Erin Hunter's books are getting worse and worse!" Jayfeather gasped. "Maybe that is true? Who's Erin Hunter? It also says, "Jayfeather is a dumb blind cat who has no life. Poop wuz here." Jayfeather growled, "What? Idiots! Who would write that? I'm gonna kill that poop!"

"Forgetta bout it!" Molekit growled. And they trudged back to the clan.

"Honeeyyyyy we're hommmeeee!" Molekit sang, and all the cats ran forward with huge yips of excitement. "I am now invicible!"

The clan dance around happily to some weird song from Rocky Horror Picture Show for the rest of the night, provided right from ghetto cat's "Broadway Musik" mix tape!

**A/N: I hope that you all had a few laughs! Yes, I am stereotyping most of the cats(ex. Jay-blind cat. Icecloud-Big bazongas. Cinder-crazy German.) But oh well! Not in a mean or bad way. In a parodic way. Now I must nurse my fingertips back to health after writing the epic journey and a severely depressing chapter of The Visitors. Next chapter coming up as soon as I get a good request!**

**Special thanks to dudanni5! I wouldn't have done this chapter without him/her. Him/Her is brilliant.**

**And also, special thanks to a Guest who's request I could barely understand, but I got a part of a lion, so I added a lion! Yayy! Thanks!**


	4. Purdy's Due Date

Molestar yawned and rolled over in his nest, looking to up stare adoringly at his chaotic clan. Their favorite new pastime instead of hunting had been to simply eat Ramen Noodles and whack each other with huge swimming noodles. It was also now essential to wear floaties when you were in Thunderclan, also with goggles and a snorkel. It was Molestar's new rule. He let out a yowl of surprise when he saw Mousefur lying next to him, snoring loudly, and screamed like the boy from Home Alone. Mousefur woke up with a start.

"W-why are you here?" Molestar screamed, scared of what might have happened last night.

"You wanted me to come here!" Mousefur hissed through her snorkel.

"Well ,now I want you out! Forgetta bout it!" Molestar screamed, shooeing her out of the den. Ever since he came back, he wanted nothing to do with the she-cats here, not even Icecloud and her huge boingers. Obviously, he was heavily intoxicated off of his mother's milk last night. Now, the only, she-cat, er tom, that he cared about was….Purdy!

Ever since Molekit had laid eyes on the huge fat elder, he had the hots for him. He even thought he was lucky when Purdy dressed up as Pikachu and made Molekit.. never mind. If we went there, this would be rated M. Anyways, he loved Purdy now. And now they were going to have gorgeous, fat, stupid kits!

Molestar sighed in pleasure at the thought, picturing Molestar jumping into the nursery saying,

"Honey, I'm hooomee!" Purdy would look up and giggle, as their three ugly kits danced around their, mother, er father. Speak of the devil!

Suddenly, Purdy walked into the Leader's den, and Molekit ran over to him and licked him on his nose.

"Hey babe." Molestar purred to the old tom.

"HELLO SONNY I JUST WANTED TO SAY IT'S BEEN CONFIRMED BY JAYFEATHERRR THAT I AM EXPECTING A DOZEN KITS! AND I WILL BE LAYING THEM ALL SOON!" Purdy screamed. Purdy had to scream, since he was a sped. An instant later, he tried sucking through his snorkel and started to choke himself.

"Layin them?" Molestar asked.

'YUP! LIKE LITTLE ITTY BITTY YUMMY IN MY TUMMY CHICKIES!" Purdy announced proudly, his chest that was full of milk out.

Unfortunetly, Jayfeather was wrong. Purdy wasn't laying eggs. And he didn't have a dozen. He was in labor now!

Purdy let out a loud blood curdling scream, and fell face first on the ground.

'MYKITS MAH KTITS MAH KITS THEY'RE COMING THEYRE ABOUT TO TAKE OFF LIKE A ROCKETSHIP ANY SECOND NOW OUT OF MY BUTT!" Purdy screamed in pain.

"Hold on hold on! Ya will be fine!" Molestar assured, but was hit in the face with the first kit. It let out a whoot and started doing the sprinkler on the ground. It was dressed in a clown suit, complete with the nose and wig.

"It's beautiful!" Molestar yowled, and noticed that the kit was a tom. Purdy smiled before another cat, this time a bright firetruck red colored cat, flew at Molestar, hitting him in the gut. Molestar got the wind knocked out of him and coughed, but took the kit in his hands. This one had a phony annoying voice, huge creepy white eyes, and a huge honking orange nose. Molestar had noticed that this was Elmo!

"WHAT?" Molestar hissed, dropping the kit, "Have you been cheatin on me, Purdy?"

"WHAT? I AIN'T NO BEEN CHEATIN' ON YOU, BABIE YOU KNOW THAT!" Purdy protested, fear in his eyes.

"Then why does my other son not look like me? Purdy," Molestar's eyes filled with tears, "Have you cheated on me with… Elmo?"

Purdy took a gulp of air, "Molestar, I'm so sorry. It was only one night. I was just paddin' through the forest.. And.. He came onta me! And I couldn't help but like Elmo back!" He mewed, suddenly quiet. Molestar's eyes narrowed.

"YOU MUST DIE!" Another laser came out of Molestar's mouth and blasted Purdy in the face, zapping him off onto a planet called Transsexual Translyvania, where he would fit in well.

Molestar picked up his two sons. "I'll call you Clownkit." He pointed to the kit who was honking obnoxiously loud and farting. "And you will be Elmozkit. Or Alfonzkit. Same thing." Elmozkit was singing badly and flew out of Molestar's paws. He took out a broken liquor bottle and waved it at Molestar.

"You are not my fazza! I will killz you!" He hissed. Molestar stepped back with Clownkit, who dancing on a unicycle on Molestar's head.

"NO!" Molestar screamed. Obviously Clownkit was the good one, and Elmozkit was the bad one.

"I will rule the world! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAH OHOHOHOHOHO AHUHUHUHUH!" Elmozkit laughed weirdly, as the whole clan stared at him.

And obviously Clownkit was more like his mother. He was hard of hearing and used honking noises and the squeal of clown shoes to talk. He instantly dove at Jayfeather's stick, attracted to it. Jayfeather let out a caterwaul and tried tugging in from the kit.

"NO! Not MY LOVE!" Jayfeather screamed. He stopped suddenly at what he said.

"I mean, MY HERBS!" He screamed. Clownkit let go of the stick and curled up on Icecloud's boobs.

Molestar sighed, "How could Purdy have betrayed me like that?" He asked himself, then padded over to Icecloud.

"So uh.. Wanna be my mate?" He asked cheesily.

"YESSSHHHHHHHH! Me and my boobiez will be your mate!" She purred, licking him at rapid speed. Clownkit was enjoying the ride.

"What about me?" Ivypool cried desperately.

"FORGETTA BOUT IT!" Molestar spat at her, and she ran away crying.

Clownkit started to breakdance in the clearing, and the whole clan stopped to clap in the beat as he did. He hop up and down and slid and snapped his fingers amazingly.

"Yayyy!" The annoying clan cheered when Clownkit unicycled off the clearing and ran into a tree. Elmokit stood in the corner and sulked. Molestar sat on his new throne, Icecloud's bazongas, and watched his sons, his eyes crossed stupidly.

**A/N: If you're wondering why this chapter was kind of stupid, it's because I'm extremely tired. All I want to do is curl up and watched anime for the rest of the night. And plus I wasn't too in the mood to right because I was extremely tired. I'm fighting to keep my eyes open. More requests please. This is ElfenTears, saying goodnight.**


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